I danced today.

In my room.
In my underpants.
and I sang.
What of it?

Finding a job sux.

So, I've finally done it. I'm finally looking for a job because I. Am. Pooooooooooooor. And my dear friends are so helpful and understanding and supportive but I will no longer be a mooch. Bring it on job world! I'm ready for you!!! Except I'm really scared of you!!!! And all your requirements!!!! And things like "please email us a recent picture" and "NYC experience needed"!!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEND YOU A PICTURE!! AND WHAT IF YOU JUST MOVED HERE ASSHOLES?! So, I'm basically trying to get rid of my fear of rejection and learning to accept the fact that people will say no to me in one way or another.


Just please... someone say yes.
Cuz I.
Am.
Pooooooooooor.

C'mon job gods. Smile onto me.
Please and thank you.

Learning to wash my face at night

Today I had Improv 201. For those of you unfamiliar to improv, Improv 201 is the class that follows Improv 101. And let me tell you, 201 is way harder than 101. WAAAAAAAY harder. Whilst in 101 we ran around and got to be really silly and play, in 201 you have to be serious. In a comedic sort of way. When people ask me to elaborate on how 201 is harder that 101, I get all discombobulated and it's literally impossible for me to explain. It's just harder guys. It just is.
Any whoozle-bees, as a requirement for class we have to go see improv shows down at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater. Now, so far I have only seen the 501 classes do their "graduation show" and it's good and all but sometimes they fall short. Tonight though was a whole different story. My new New York/Improv friend, Ali, and I went to go see Harold Night (Harold is the form of improv they teach us at UCB and Harold Night is basically when the improv teams that you have to audition to get into, perform). BLOWN. A. WAY.
Let me just say this: it's impossible for me not to fall in love with all the boys on the teams. Whether they're gay or funny looking, I just fall in love with all of them. This is a disease also known as "Talent Crush".
The other thing I have to say is: I want to be up there so bad. Before the show started, Ali and I went to get a couple beers and she was giving me all these tips on where to find auditions online and how she found her, now broken up with, agent, and all that sounded so great but so intimidating. And then I go see Harold Night, and I know I belong up there. It's where I have to be. And it scares me but in the most amazing way.
So 201, I'm gonna fuck you where it hurts so I can get to 301 and later 401 and finally 501. And when that day comes, I'm gonna audition for a Harold Team. And I will make it. And then someone can come see me onstage at UCB doing a scene about how my neighbor is Chinese Satan and I like to have loud, uncomfortable sex with the same condom over and over again. And they'll laugh. THEY'LL ALL LAUGH.


Having said that, I gotta learn to wash my face when I come home at night.... It's just a nice thing to do.

New York City M and Ms

Today I went to the M and M store in Times Square in NY and let me tell you something: tourists love themselves some M and Ms. There were so many Midwest moms with their overweight children walking around that store just enhancing their diabetes to an extreme. There are tubes that LITERALLY go up about 11 feet into the air filled with different M and Ms. "Mama! These are orange!!! And they have peanuts in them!!" or "Hey Ma! These M and Ms are called God Bless America cuz they be red, white and blue!!" (and the word 'white' is pronounced with that H sound in it...) or "Sweetie, mommy can't buy 3 pounds worth of M and Ms because it costs $13 dollars an ounce!" these were only some of the myriad of sentences SCREAMED throughout the store today.
The best part though, was seeing this 2 year old kid in his stroller with a HUGE bag of mini M and Ms with the biggest smile I've ever seen on a face of a child, ever. These are the two thoughts I had:

1. Mini M and Ms are definitely a choking hazard for a 2 year old. Good luck with that.
2. That bag has a good 3 pounds of chocolate in it. Your child will not sleep until next month. Good luck with that.

It was good visual of what America is. That's a picture of the bag I bought. It's about half the size of when I got it...

Funny Ladies I Worship

This is something I'm going to do often: post videos of those gals that I find incredibly hilarious/want to be when I grow up/I think are changing the female world a little bit at a time.

Message me if

So, I haven't written in a while. Here's an update: I live in New York now. Enough with the updates. Here's what I'm here to talk about.
I've recently re-joined OkCupid in hopes to meet some boys, date, get a boyfriend and have my family stop hounding me about why I hang out with so many gay dudes. I can't help it! They love me cuz I'm classy, brassy and sassy.
Anyways, so the first time I joined OkCupid, I talked to some dude who thought I was funny and then turned out to only really want to hang out with me to write down my jokes. Ok.... weirdo. And after several failed attempts at talking to guys by sending them witty (at least to me) messages, I decided "fuck this" so I left.
Now that I'm in Brooklyn, I figured "what the hey, let's give it a go again..." Now here's where I get to my point: a lot of these dudes are like "message me if you find me interesting" or "message me if you think we'd have a nice conversation" or "message me if [insert witty smart thing that Aileen would find super cute and interesting and lead me to believe that if I indeed wrote you a message you would reply]". THESE ARE ALL LIES. Either that or the shit I'm writing these dudes is totally freaking them out and they're running away screaming.
Alls I gotta say is this is annoying. Write me back fuckers. At least with a note that says "listen bitch, you sound crazy so this is the last you'll hear from me."

Vacation!

Well,

I'm off the cleanse.

I'm eating solids.

I'm on the other side of the country.

I'm on a well deserved vacation.

I'm seeing my best friend Jonny.

I'm gonna see Madonna.

I'm gonna go to Boston.

I'm gonna go to New York.

I'm gonna go to Chicago.

I'm gonna see my other best friend Ana.

I'm gonna go to Second City and take an improv and comedy writing weekend intensive.

I'm gonna come back a different person.

I'm very excited.