sometimes you just gotta wax

this week was one of my ugliest weeks ever.
pretty much i was a man walking around with double d boobs.
not attractive.
i've been crazy busy with lettus and dogsitting, that i haven't had time to take care of me.
needless to say i was super excited for saturday which was gonna be my first day of a long awaited 3 day weekend.
so i go to like the craziest crunch class ever and sweat my balls off (remember, i'm a man this week) and once the class is over i check my phone an dlo and behold, lettus has called me and asked me to go into work.
ugh.
mind you, saturdays at lettus are absolutely RIDICULOUS, so i was not looking forward to it.
to make a long story short, i got home and was totally busted.
the next morning (yesterday) i wake up to a lovely conversation with my father and a text message from my roommate juan asking me to brunch.
that sounds lovely.
off we go to lime, the trendiest place i have ever seen in my life.
we got tanked.
bottomless mimosas? yes please!
after that?
"juan, i need to get waxed and stop looking like a man."
"lets do it."
sweet.
so our drunk asses go get me waxed.
then we met up with our other roommate, jax, whom we went to booze it up some more with.
then we met my buddy vulcan and his friend ricardo, and then my cousin pheef came along with my other cousin mini cobra!
it was a party now!
we smoked a blunt; vulcan,ricardo, mini cobra and juan left; and jax, pheef and myself went to see run fat boy run (which was very cute).
i was beat by the end of the day.
but it was totally worth it.
needless to say, i don't feel like a man anymore.

Eating Apples and Watching Golden Girls

So.
I have lead role.
I FINALLY have a lead role!!!!! It's not a major show, not yet at least, but I finally get to say more than two lines. I finally get to not be that funny girl on the side. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not only that, it's been a long long long long long long long long time since I've been on stage and yesterday during my audition, it just felt so good. It's been too goddam long.

What else....
Managing at lettus is cool. I'm a little more stressed than usual but hopefully I'll get my flow there.

Well, I'm gonna put some gel in my hair and some make up on my face, listen to some madonna and go to work. Tomorrow is my day off and I'm gonna sit around. YEAH!!!

totally crushin'.

i have a crush on you.
i have a crush on your sweet jewlery.
i have a crush on your very well groomed beard.
i have a crush on the way you turn red real easily.
i have a crush on how you kissed me on the cheek when I bought you a drink.
you should totally get a crush on me.
we could crush together.

blogging through my phone

well, here i am doing a blog through my sassy new phone. its pretty awesome.
i'm writing today because I feel if I don't write down all the shit I have to do, I won't be able to fathom all of it and this week will last FOREVER.
well, I have been promoted at lettus. I am now a shift manager. I'm pretty nervous but mostly I don't want to keep training. I just wanna do it already. hopefully I'll do a good job. Not only am I training, I'm still working at Colibri. But not for long, the 23rd is my last day here. I've had good times here and I've learned a lot. But I'm glad that I'll just have the one job. Plus I still have all my pups to look after. Speaking of, what's gonna make this week crazy are all the dogs I'm caring for. AND the gym. AND band rehearsal. oy vey. Hopefully my brain won't fall out of my ears in a pile of mush on the ground.
well. the answer to this is, GET A CAR.
no. first, get a license. THEN get a car.

My first time.

Well.

I know if it's on here it's very likely SOMEONE will read it.

But, mostly I'm doing this to see if I can get my creative self to come out a bit more again.

Lately I feel drowned in a haze.  I feel unfullfilled.

I think I smoke too much pot.

I think I use the excuse of having too many jobs as to why I'm not in theatre as much as i'd like.

I wish I could draw.

I worry too much about what people think about me. 

I'm lonely and I want someone to be with me but that someone has someone else.

Well, at least I'm good about not looking for trouble and keeping it in my pants.  But it's hard.  VERY hard.  

Every time my phone rings, I kinda hope its him.  

I hate that he has this effect on me because even if he didn't have anyone, I'm not sure he'd be with me.  And if he was with me, I'm pretty sure he'd go looking around for someone else.  

I just watched Frida for the first time.

Probably why I feel so strongly about this right now.

I want to feel more bohemian.

I'm always jealous of people that can just say or do what they feel and whatever it is, it's just beautiful.

I don't feel like I've created something beautiful in a while.  Or ever maybe.

Sometimes I feel like I'm depressed because I don't have a lot of will power.

But then I think about how I love life most of the time, like everyone else, so how can I be depressed.

I want to lose weight for myself.

But then again I'm not sure.

I want to be desired.

And I don't feel that the way I look now is desireable to anyone.

It's dumb I know.

But I can't help but think that if i was slimmer, I wouldn't be so alone all the time.

Or maybe I'd have more courage to approach someone.

Or maybe I just want to fit in with society?

No.

Not that one.  

I want to wear cute clothes and not feel like I look disgusting.

To other people.

I want to sing and make people want to sing too.

I don't want this to seem self deprecating or self obsessed.

It just comes out.

It's things i want in life.

A wish list of some sort, one might say.

I want to write at least once a week.

To clear my mind a little.

Maybe this'll help.

Well.

Some might read this.

Some might not.