Vacation!

Well,

I'm off the cleanse.

I'm eating solids.

I'm on the other side of the country.

I'm on a well deserved vacation.

I'm seeing my best friend Jonny.

I'm gonna see Madonna.

I'm gonna go to Boston.

I'm gonna go to New York.

I'm gonna go to Chicago.

I'm gonna see my other best friend Ana.

I'm gonna go to Second City and take an improv and comedy writing weekend intensive.

I'm gonna come back a different person.

I'm very excited.

Day 5 AND 6!

Well,

day 5 was absolutely dreadful.

Mostly because it was my day off and all I had to do is fold laundry.

And thin about food.

Yeah.

That's all.

It hurt my soul.

But day 6 has been good.

I went to work.

I went to the gym!

That was interesting.

Chelsea was real easy on me, thank God.

But I went in thinking I was gonna fall over on my face.

Then I went to rehearsal.

I've decided to do 8 days instead of 10.

Day 4!

I just got home from work.

I don't usually work the night shift but tonight was super chill so it wasn't so bad.

What WAS bad was being at home in the morning while Juan reheated pizza.

What WAS bad was watching delicious foods being made on the Food Network (my fault really).

I'm hoping since tomorrow is day 5 that my hunger will begin to subside and just get used to the fact that it will not be satisfied.

I know it won't happen.

But one can dream.

On the plus side I had lots of energy today!

And for the most part I was in a good mood.

I'm a little worried about tomorrow.

It's my day off.

When I don't have stuff to do, I think of food.

It'll be a good test.

I took the tea tonight instead of the saline.

It's a little later than usual so maybe instead of 3am it'll be 5 am when it kicks in.

That's all for today.

I'm a little beat.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

Hello day 3.

Well.

Today.

Not

So.

Fun.

I woke up tired unlike the past two days.

But went on with my day as usual.

I was pretty grumpy throughout the day but kept it mostly to myself trying not to be a huge bitch.

My sense of smell has become highly acute lately.

Which only makes it harder for me.

I'll walk in to the walk-in fridge just to smell everything I could.  

Basically trying to eat with my nose.

I got off work and came home and of course as I walk in a lovely smell wafts at me and I ask Juan what it is he has cooked.

Mole.

Holy shit does food smell good.

Yesterday I wan't able to drink my entire 32 oz of saline solution.

But today I did.

I'm worried.

Other than that I've been trying to stay positive and happy.

It's working so far.

I wish I had weighed myself before I started though.  

I'll find a scale tomorrow.

Day 2!!!

My fridge makes funny noises sometimes...

Anyways! 

Day 2!!

So as predicted, my stupid senna tea didn't get crackin' until about 2am.

Great.

Alls I want is to sleep through the night.

But at least something is leaving my body, even if it is at god awful times in the morning.

But needless to say, my alarm went off at 7am this morning and I felt awesome.

I felt rested and ready to go.

I decided just for good measure I'd sleep and extra 30 mins since I had deprived myself a good hour at 2am.

7:30am came around and I was ready to take on the world.

I showered.

Got dressed.

Made myself my "lemonade" for the day and was joined by my roommate Juan.

He has been very supportive with my whole endeavor.

He always asks if I pooped.

That's nice.

He made himself eggs with ham this morning which of course I salivated over whilst I feverishly juiced my lemons.

But it was a good start to the day.

Lettus was fine.

Everyone at work is also very supportive.

Joey, our baker, who is flaming but absolutely fabulous, tries to be annoying by talking about food and such but it really doesn't bother me.

Luis, another fabulous co-worker of mine who has done the cleanse too, was most helpful in my questions when it comes to the, ahem, "release" part of the cleanse.

I complained that I felt the tea wasn't potent enough and was gross.

He said he loved the tea!  That he even had some last night.

I asked if he'd tried the saline solution.

He said he's not that fond of salty things so, no.

But that he's heard that the saline is very effective.

Ok.

I got off work a little early and my cousin Gaby and her girlfriend Jen came by with a little puppy they are taking care of until they take him to Jen's stepmom's house in Arizona.

They told me stories and such about the puppy whilst feasting on burgers with:

bacon.

blue cheese.

grilled onions.

And of course, lovely sides of:

sweet potato fries.

skinny cut french fries.

All of which I stared at while they conversed with me.

I don't think I looked at their faces once while we talked.

I sat there and looked at the puppy.

And their food.

And my "lemonade".

And their food.

And their food.

They gave me a ride to the grocery story where I bought more maple syrup and lemons, which let me tell you, go by fast with this cleanse.

I came home, chatted with Juan a bit and made myself my first saline solution.

Ok.

So, a.) absolutely disgusting.

      b.) my gag reflex is way sensitive.

so a+b= almost yaking every time I took a gulp.

32oz. to be exact.

That's a lot of saline.

But I did it.

Most of it.

And it worked!

WAY faster and more efficiently than stupid ass senna tea.

But I will alternate between the two because I don't think my stomach lining will appreciate all that saline.

I'm just hoping that since I got it done early, I won't be waking up at 2:30 am looking for the toilet.

Some things I noticed today that were different from yesterday:

-My mouth definitely had a weird taste throughout the day.

 I'm assuming it's toxins just falling out of my tongue.

Joey, the baker, says it's my tongue cleaning it's palate.

Sweet.

-I had to wear a belt with my size 12 jeans today.

That's definitely a first.

-My skin is having little break outs.

Toxins? 

Exiting?

Yeah, get out fuckers.  

No one needs you around here.

I'm excited for day 3 and am still looking forward to DAY 10!!!!

My First Cleanse....

Yes,

you read right.

Cleanse.

Master Cleanse, to be precise.

10 days.

No food.

Just water

with lemon

maple syrup

and cayenne pepper.

Oh!

And my fave,

Senna Tea.

Now, if you don't know what Senna Tea is, I'll tell you.

Senna Tea is a (get ready for this) laxative tea.

Good times.

But other than the horrible things that come from only drinking liquids (one of which gives you, well, you know...) I am very excited!

I began thinking about doing this cleanse for weight loss purposes.

But after reading up on it, I'm super duper excited about other lovely outcomes (no pun intended):

Good skin!

Clear mind!

Energy!

Cleaning out things that have been in my stomach for God knows how many years!

Will power!

Will power!

WILL POWER!!!!!

For some reason the thing I'm most excited about is getting through the whole 10 days.

Some people I know did it for 5, maybe 6 days but you know what?

FUCK 

THAT 

SHIT.

I quit eating cheese for 3 months last year and that was the hardest thing I did for a really long time.  

So I can do 10 days.

I CAN DO 10 DAYS!!!!

I know I'm going to feel wonderful afterwards and even look pretty good too so killing two birds with one stone is something I'm all about.

Anyways, in all of my reading of this cleanse, it was highly recommended to keep a journal.

I figured this could be a way for me to finally use my frickin' blog.

As this cleanse focuses mostly on, ahem, "releasing", I'm going to spare all of you the details and keep it pretty vague on that aspect.

So, here goes!

Today is day 1.

Yesterday was my ease in day.

Which basically means I had miso soup and veggie/fruit juices all day long.

At night I had my senna tea.

I drank it at 8pm giving me some time for it to work and go to bed with no problems.

Um, yeah.  

No.

3:30am.

That's when it worked.

3:30am.

Not cool senna tea.  

Not cool.  

Today I chugged my mixture from my bottle all day.

Now, I work at a restaurant.

Behind a lovely display case full of baked goods and treats.

When those treats break, we like to indulge ourselves.

So it's become kind of second nature to reach over and grab broken cookies and shovel them in my mouth.

Today I realized how much my mouth and stomach control my hands.

Having to stop myself all day long was very eye opening.

Luckily, it wasn't really crazy at work, so for the most part I drank my mixture, drank water and tried not to think of food.

I'm now home brewing my lovely tea and hoping that this time it doesn't kick in at frickin 4am.

I will look over my lines for my new show, read a little of my book and relax and let the days go by.

Day 10 will be here soon.

And I will have won.

WON, I TELL YOU!!!!