Vacation!

Well,

I'm off the cleanse.

I'm eating solids.

I'm on the other side of the country.

I'm on a well deserved vacation.

I'm seeing my best friend Jonny.

I'm gonna see Madonna.

I'm gonna go to Boston.

I'm gonna go to New York.

I'm gonna go to Chicago.

I'm gonna see my other best friend Ana.

I'm gonna go to Second City and take an improv and comedy writing weekend intensive.

I'm gonna come back a different person.

I'm very excited.

Day 5 AND 6!

Well,

day 5 was absolutely dreadful.

Mostly because it was my day off and all I had to do is fold laundry.

And thin about food.

Yeah.

That's all.

It hurt my soul.

But day 6 has been good.

I went to work.

I went to the gym!

That was interesting.

Chelsea was real easy on me, thank God.

But I went in thinking I was gonna fall over on my face.

Then I went to rehearsal.

I've decided to do 8 days instead of 10.

Day 4!

I just got home from work.

I don't usually work the night shift but tonight was super chill so it wasn't so bad.

What WAS bad was being at home in the morning while Juan reheated pizza.

What WAS bad was watching delicious foods being made on the Food Network (my fault really).

I'm hoping since tomorrow is day 5 that my hunger will begin to subside and just get used to the fact that it will not be satisfied.

I know it won't happen.

But one can dream.

On the plus side I had lots of energy today!

And for the most part I was in a good mood.

I'm a little worried about tomorrow.

It's my day off.

When I don't have stuff to do, I think of food.

It'll be a good test.

I took the tea tonight instead of the saline.

It's a little later than usual so maybe instead of 3am it'll be 5 am when it kicks in.

That's all for today.

I'm a little beat.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

Hello day 3.

Well.

Today.

Not

So.

Fun.

I woke up tired unlike the past two days.

But went on with my day as usual.

I was pretty grumpy throughout the day but kept it mostly to myself trying not to be a huge bitch.

My sense of smell has become highly acute lately.

Which only makes it harder for me.

I'll walk in to the walk-in fridge just to smell everything I could.  

Basically trying to eat with my nose.

I got off work and came home and of course as I walk in a lovely smell wafts at me and I ask Juan what it is he has cooked.

Mole.

Holy shit does food smell good.

Yesterday I wan't able to drink my entire 32 oz of saline solution.

But today I did.

I'm worried.

Other than that I've been trying to stay positive and happy.

It's working so far.

I wish I had weighed myself before I started though.  

I'll find a scale tomorrow.

Day 2!!!

My fridge makes funny noises sometimes...

Anyways! 

Day 2!!

So as predicted, my stupid senna tea didn't get crackin' until about 2am.

Great.

Alls I want is to sleep through the night.

But at least something is leaving my body, even if it is at god awful times in the morning.

But needless to say, my alarm went off at 7am this morning and I felt awesome.

I felt rested and ready to go.

I decided just for good measure I'd sleep and extra 30 mins since I had deprived myself a good hour at 2am.

7:30am came around and I was ready to take on the world.

I showered.

Got dressed.

Made myself my "lemonade" for the day and was joined by my roommate Juan.

He has been very supportive with my whole endeavor.

He always asks if I pooped.

That's nice.

He made himself eggs with ham this morning which of course I salivated over whilst I feverishly juiced my lemons.

But it was a good start to the day.

Lettus was fine.

Everyone at work is also very supportive.

Joey, our baker, who is flaming but absolutely fabulous, tries to be annoying by talking about food and such but it really doesn't bother me.

Luis, another fabulous co-worker of mine who has done the cleanse too, was most helpful in my questions when it comes to the, ahem, "release" part of the cleanse.

I complained that I felt the tea wasn't potent enough and was gross.

He said he loved the tea!  That he even had some last night.

I asked if he'd tried the saline solution.

He said he's not that fond of salty things so, no.

But that he's heard that the saline is very effective.

Ok.

I got off work a little early and my cousin Gaby and her girlfriend Jen came by with a little puppy they are taking care of until they take him to Jen's stepmom's house in Arizona.

They told me stories and such about the puppy whilst feasting on burgers with:

bacon.

blue cheese.

grilled onions.

And of course, lovely sides of:

sweet potato fries.

skinny cut french fries.

All of which I stared at while they conversed with me.

I don't think I looked at their faces once while we talked.

I sat there and looked at the puppy.

And their food.

And my "lemonade".

And their food.

And their food.

They gave me a ride to the grocery story where I bought more maple syrup and lemons, which let me tell you, go by fast with this cleanse.

I came home, chatted with Juan a bit and made myself my first saline solution.

Ok.

So, a.) absolutely disgusting.

      b.) my gag reflex is way sensitive.

so a+b= almost yaking every time I took a gulp.

32oz. to be exact.

That's a lot of saline.

But I did it.

Most of it.

And it worked!

WAY faster and more efficiently than stupid ass senna tea.

But I will alternate between the two because I don't think my stomach lining will appreciate all that saline.

I'm just hoping that since I got it done early, I won't be waking up at 2:30 am looking for the toilet.

Some things I noticed today that were different from yesterday:

-My mouth definitely had a weird taste throughout the day.

 I'm assuming it's toxins just falling out of my tongue.

Joey, the baker, says it's my tongue cleaning it's palate.

Sweet.

-I had to wear a belt with my size 12 jeans today.

That's definitely a first.

-My skin is having little break outs.

Toxins? 

Exiting?

Yeah, get out fuckers.  

No one needs you around here.

I'm excited for day 3 and am still looking forward to DAY 10!!!!

My First Cleanse....

Yes,

you read right.

Cleanse.

Master Cleanse, to be precise.

10 days.

No food.

Just water

with lemon

maple syrup

and cayenne pepper.

Oh!

And my fave,

Senna Tea.

Now, if you don't know what Senna Tea is, I'll tell you.

Senna Tea is a (get ready for this) laxative tea.

Good times.

But other than the horrible things that come from only drinking liquids (one of which gives you, well, you know...) I am very excited!

I began thinking about doing this cleanse for weight loss purposes.

But after reading up on it, I'm super duper excited about other lovely outcomes (no pun intended):

Good skin!

Clear mind!

Energy!

Cleaning out things that have been in my stomach for God knows how many years!

Will power!

Will power!

WILL POWER!!!!!

For some reason the thing I'm most excited about is getting through the whole 10 days.

Some people I know did it for 5, maybe 6 days but you know what?

FUCK 

THAT 

SHIT.

I quit eating cheese for 3 months last year and that was the hardest thing I did for a really long time.  

So I can do 10 days.

I CAN DO 10 DAYS!!!!

I know I'm going to feel wonderful afterwards and even look pretty good too so killing two birds with one stone is something I'm all about.

Anyways, in all of my reading of this cleanse, it was highly recommended to keep a journal.

I figured this could be a way for me to finally use my frickin' blog.

As this cleanse focuses mostly on, ahem, "releasing", I'm going to spare all of you the details and keep it pretty vague on that aspect.

So, here goes!

Today is day 1.

Yesterday was my ease in day.

Which basically means I had miso soup and veggie/fruit juices all day long.

At night I had my senna tea.

I drank it at 8pm giving me some time for it to work and go to bed with no problems.

Um, yeah.  

No.

3:30am.

That's when it worked.

3:30am.

Not cool senna tea.  

Not cool.  

Today I chugged my mixture from my bottle all day.

Now, I work at a restaurant.

Behind a lovely display case full of baked goods and treats.

When those treats break, we like to indulge ourselves.

So it's become kind of second nature to reach over and grab broken cookies and shovel them in my mouth.

Today I realized how much my mouth and stomach control my hands.

Having to stop myself all day long was very eye opening.

Luckily, it wasn't really crazy at work, so for the most part I drank my mixture, drank water and tried not to think of food.

I'm now home brewing my lovely tea and hoping that this time it doesn't kick in at frickin 4am.

I will look over my lines for my new show, read a little of my book and relax and let the days go by.

Day 10 will be here soon.

And I will have won.

WON, I TELL YOU!!!!

I'm real frustrated.

This is the thing.

I love my cast.

I love this show.

But if someone rolls their eyes one more time, I'm gonna straight deck someone.

If someone talks during a scene one more time, I'm gonna kick someone in the balls.

If someone talks to the director like their at home maxin' relaxin', I'm gonna rip my hair out.

You all went to college to study theatre.  You know how it works.  You know the proper etiquette.  Just cuz it's your friends that you are working with doesn't mean they don't still deserve respect.  Your fellow actors, the director, the stage manager, yourself.

I know we all want this show to be a success, just help me out a little so I don't end up hating all of you.

sometimes you just gotta wax

this week was one of my ugliest weeks ever.
pretty much i was a man walking around with double d boobs.
not attractive.
i've been crazy busy with lettus and dogsitting, that i haven't had time to take care of me.
needless to say i was super excited for saturday which was gonna be my first day of a long awaited 3 day weekend.
so i go to like the craziest crunch class ever and sweat my balls off (remember, i'm a man this week) and once the class is over i check my phone an dlo and behold, lettus has called me and asked me to go into work.
ugh.
mind you, saturdays at lettus are absolutely RIDICULOUS, so i was not looking forward to it.
to make a long story short, i got home and was totally busted.
the next morning (yesterday) i wake up to a lovely conversation with my father and a text message from my roommate juan asking me to brunch.
that sounds lovely.
off we go to lime, the trendiest place i have ever seen in my life.
we got tanked.
bottomless mimosas? yes please!
after that?
"juan, i need to get waxed and stop looking like a man."
"lets do it."
sweet.
so our drunk asses go get me waxed.
then we met up with our other roommate, jax, whom we went to booze it up some more with.
then we met my buddy vulcan and his friend ricardo, and then my cousin pheef came along with my other cousin mini cobra!
it was a party now!
we smoked a blunt; vulcan,ricardo, mini cobra and juan left; and jax, pheef and myself went to see run fat boy run (which was very cute).
i was beat by the end of the day.
but it was totally worth it.
needless to say, i don't feel like a man anymore.

Eating Apples and Watching Golden Girls

So.
I have lead role.
I FINALLY have a lead role!!!!! It's not a major show, not yet at least, but I finally get to say more than two lines. I finally get to not be that funny girl on the side. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not only that, it's been a long long long long long long long long time since I've been on stage and yesterday during my audition, it just felt so good. It's been too goddam long.

What else....
Managing at lettus is cool. I'm a little more stressed than usual but hopefully I'll get my flow there.

Well, I'm gonna put some gel in my hair and some make up on my face, listen to some madonna and go to work. Tomorrow is my day off and I'm gonna sit around. YEAH!!!

totally crushin'.

i have a crush on you.
i have a crush on your sweet jewlery.
i have a crush on your very well groomed beard.
i have a crush on the way you turn red real easily.
i have a crush on how you kissed me on the cheek when I bought you a drink.
you should totally get a crush on me.
we could crush together.

blogging through my phone

well, here i am doing a blog through my sassy new phone. its pretty awesome.
i'm writing today because I feel if I don't write down all the shit I have to do, I won't be able to fathom all of it and this week will last FOREVER.
well, I have been promoted at lettus. I am now a shift manager. I'm pretty nervous but mostly I don't want to keep training. I just wanna do it already. hopefully I'll do a good job. Not only am I training, I'm still working at Colibri. But not for long, the 23rd is my last day here. I've had good times here and I've learned a lot. But I'm glad that I'll just have the one job. Plus I still have all my pups to look after. Speaking of, what's gonna make this week crazy are all the dogs I'm caring for. AND the gym. AND band rehearsal. oy vey. Hopefully my brain won't fall out of my ears in a pile of mush on the ground.
well. the answer to this is, GET A CAR.
no. first, get a license. THEN get a car.

My first time.

Well.

I know if it's on here it's very likely SOMEONE will read it.

But, mostly I'm doing this to see if I can get my creative self to come out a bit more again.

Lately I feel drowned in a haze.  I feel unfullfilled.

I think I smoke too much pot.

I think I use the excuse of having too many jobs as to why I'm not in theatre as much as i'd like.

I wish I could draw.

I worry too much about what people think about me. 

I'm lonely and I want someone to be with me but that someone has someone else.

Well, at least I'm good about not looking for trouble and keeping it in my pants.  But it's hard.  VERY hard.  

Every time my phone rings, I kinda hope its him.  

I hate that he has this effect on me because even if he didn't have anyone, I'm not sure he'd be with me.  And if he was with me, I'm pretty sure he'd go looking around for someone else.  

I just watched Frida for the first time.

Probably why I feel so strongly about this right now.

I want to feel more bohemian.

I'm always jealous of people that can just say or do what they feel and whatever it is, it's just beautiful.

I don't feel like I've created something beautiful in a while.  Or ever maybe.

Sometimes I feel like I'm depressed because I don't have a lot of will power.

But then I think about how I love life most of the time, like everyone else, so how can I be depressed.

I want to lose weight for myself.

But then again I'm not sure.

I want to be desired.

And I don't feel that the way I look now is desireable to anyone.

It's dumb I know.

But I can't help but think that if i was slimmer, I wouldn't be so alone all the time.

Or maybe I'd have more courage to approach someone.

Or maybe I just want to fit in with society?

No.

Not that one.  

I want to wear cute clothes and not feel like I look disgusting.

To other people.

I want to sing and make people want to sing too.

I don't want this to seem self deprecating or self obsessed.

It just comes out.

It's things i want in life.

A wish list of some sort, one might say.

I want to write at least once a week.

To clear my mind a little.

Maybe this'll help.

Well.

Some might read this.

Some might not.